Are you kidding me?

The first job I did when got off from the station, I went to this person whom I didn’t really feel like visiting to -  The Barber. The last thing I remember, I was sneaking inside my own house at late night, my grandfather was beating the hell out of me, thinking me as a sort goon or thug or something, until I handed him over his glasses.

Anyways, so I went to this phony saloon, as this No Shave November was also over, for over the fifth time. After taking half measures, I walked out of this fancy shop as a ninth grader, oil on my head, powder on my body, with almost no hair above my neck. Holy cow! I was feeling like a goddamn kid!

I thought now I could not go back in public or hang out with buddyroos or travel in local trains or anything, as these transgender guys would flock around me and say “aye chikne” and pull my cheeks and all. I jumped inside a nearest OLA (no I won’t be getting brand integration money and shit) , so this car was really crumby, I didn’t care much. I was too depressed to care anymore. The person who was going to be my chauffer was an old guy. He was even more depressing than the cab was. Before getting in he asked me if I had any change or debit card or something. Ya know this goddamn demonetization circus and all. This stupid sonuvabitch seemed to be  silent but intelligent as he had magazines and stuff in his damn car. That made me sick.

I initiated some talk with this conceited old man so at least I wont feel nauseated. “What a pain in the ass this Modi government has become. Like suppose Rahul Gandhi was our leader, the life would be peaceful as hell”

He looked at me through the mirror in a peculiar way, “What do you mean?”

“Like he cares about the country and people and stuff so he wont do something like demonetizing for the heck of corruption or something. Also he is sort of wise guy, so he would enjoy his term and keep things like they are and people will also be having merry time doing corruption and inflating the market.

If not him this old woman Jayalalitha was also quiet good. I mean she was pretty intelligent. Served for about six terms as a chief minister doing nothing but slamming her own public for derogatory statements which criticized her government for water scarcity or not fulfilling poll promises and all. She even gave a leading search engine a notice of defamation for posting that her health condition was not good while serving her last days in hospital. Dang! Must say she was one hell of a cool old woman.”

“How old are you kid?”, he interrupted me.

“Sixteen, dawg!”, I gave him a believable answer like my face-lift my language-shift and all, I was sort of smooth to be one those cool kids.

“You know, we are in very good hands now. This is a short term trouble for a long term benefit.”  Boy, he sounded as serious as a batman and was looking at me like I was a madman.

But I had to keep talking so I won’t puke on his head, ”You gotta be kidding, like there’s this hero Arvind Kejriwal who is more capable national leader. An IITian, an IRS officer and what not. He is quite brilliant like when Delhi’s current air quality index is marked at 265 he is implementing this genius idea of odd-even rule. Simply clever. Whilst other stupid cities of Europe when detected their air quality index of 54, they panicked and made all public transport free and doubled their funds to tackle air pollution and what not. What a waste.

He is the best, hands down. From taking potshots at Prime Minister to posting videos on YouTube to tell the world  Narendra Modi and BJP chief Amit Shah were conspiring to murder him, so they could stay in power. Most Indians would loathe to hear and ponder over what the Delhi chief minister broadcasted on the internet against his country's PM but Kejriwal as usual is playing both victim and hero. Victim because, he claims to be constantly on the receiving end of a conspiracy unleashed through the Income Tax, Delhi Police and CBI and hero, because he and only he has the guts to fight a tyrannical Modi regime at the Centre. He presents himself to be the only hope of the people and thus Modi wants to eliminate him and his party leaders. Masterstroke! He is the Donald Trump with a graduate degree from each college of Ivy League.

I guess we need more leaders like them to end the first world problems as soon as possible.”

I heard the tires screeching, I guess the driver drove as fast as he could to my destination. Ah! It seemed at least somebody was getting rid of their problem.

While getting down to ease his troubled mind I asked him to read my last post in which I was talking about waking up and getting serious and stuff. Upon reading, he jumped on his toes and exclaimed boisterously, ”Are you trying to kid me, bud?” He showed me this recent article by Stephen Hawking.

The article was so dope, it baked me. I smirked saying  thank you and bidding goodbye to him. He shouted from a distance, “Sir , How do you think we can clean this mess of unscrupulous leaders?”

I laughed, “I don’t know, may be ‘BARBAR’ them.”